Last Monday we had tutorials with both Ian and Gary, in order to assess our progress so far this year. Earlier that day I'd written the post 'Hopes, Fears and Opportunities', exploring my misgivings about my work so far and how I felt the last few months have been going. It wasn't the happiest of posts. So, for it to then be followed by a some-what grim tutorial, meant that I went home wanting to bin the last few months work completely.

The worst part was, I'd gone into the tutorial anticipating everything that they told me, and knowing that I'd be told the same thing as the last few years: to try and combine the paper-cutting and the painting. Annoyingly it was suggested that I was avoiding doing this out of stubbornness! But I haven't been! It's simply a complete lack of understanding of what they're expecting of me! I don't think '3D' and really struggle to comprehend what it is they're trying to lead me toward. And yet, at the same time, I do realise what they're attempting to get me to do, and I do appreciate the fact that my paper-cutting is more successful than my paintings, but considering both Ian and Gary have told me to work in a way that I want to, over the last two years, I have stuck to the painting as my preferred method of producing imagery. Super frustrating! We didn't particularly address any specific brief, rather my working methods. Gary had plenty of encouraging things to say about the paper-cutting, but it was more in order to get me to move away from painting.

I went home feeling incredibly deflated, but after plenty of consideration I began to feel a little bit more enthusiastic about the push, especially as it made me really think about the Major Project and how dramatic my [current] idea could be if produced using paper-cuts. However, I don't want to go to any extremes and work entirely out of my comfort zone.

What I got out of the tutorial was a realisation that if my painting work is only mediocre, then I really need to up my game in the Major Project; and while I don't immediately think to work with paper, Gary is right in saying that my work leans towards craft, so it'd be more beneficial to work differently. I need to be more confident / brave and less stubborn (even if I am perhaps being subconsciously stubborn)!

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