This week I found out that my case studies, which were the cause of many months of stress, have been passed - hallelujah - but what I noticed more profoundly was that, although it's been a month since I sent the essays off to be marked, I am only now feeling free.

Last weekend I sat down and painted without feeling a pang of guilt. After work on Thursday I came home and put scalpel to paper - I started a piece and finished it last night. No guilt. No anxiety. No "oh crap I should be essaying," just in-the-moment gleeful creativity. It's taken a good while for this feeling to sink in and my motivation to return, but returning it is, along with the sunshine and I can feel a buzz of energy working it's way in to my ideas.

Spring sunshine makes such a difference, doesn't it?! But at the same time it makes me think, "what next?" On the horizon there is the prospect of doing a masters degree, something which I have coveted for a few years and the reason for my doing a counselling diploma, but now I've reached that time when I need to start applying and I'm prevaricating, letting fear get the better of me. I've given myself an ultimatum: Easter - decide which course, decide whether or not to defer, but ultimately GET APPLYING. 

Until then, I'm going to enjoy the feeling of guilt-free creativeness once again. 

1 comment:

Sue Gilbert said...

Thoughtful words and a powerful cutting- what does the mermaid signify, I wonder?

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